After waking up, I couldn’t move the way I wanted for quite some time.
“Da… daaa… da-da-da!”
I could barely form a single word, and my vision is still blurry.
Then again, I started this life as a baby. My body is still woefully underdeveloped, so I supposed that was to be expected.
“This baby doesn’t cry at all, does he?”
“Doctor said he’s fine, but… is it really for sure?”
I heard the voices of what sounded like a couple of nurses nearby.
“Mm… There’s just something not very baby-like about him…”
“Yeah. It’s almost like he’s an old man or something.”
“Oh, totally!”
Guh!
Stop it. Please, stop…
“You remind me of my grandpa” is basically the second-deadliest phrase known to virgin men, right after “You’re such a nice guy,” you know!
It was so unbearably sad that I burst into full-blown tears. Ironically, everyone around me seemed relieved.
Eventually, the day of my discharge arrived, and I am taken to my new home. It’s in a quiet residential neighborhood. A two-story house with its own garden. Pretty damn bourgeois, if you ask me.
Around this time, I found a little source of amusement.
“Dauu… au… paa…”
I couldn’t speak actual words yet, but that meant I could shout whatever I wanted without anyone catching on. So, I decided to go all out—gestures and all—shouting lines from anime and manga.
“Dauu(look!) Da-da-dauuuu(Humans are like trash!)”
“Babu-ba-babau(That’s not Merazoma…) Babubaba(It’s just, Mera).”
“Atatatatata! Ho-ata! Ho-ata!”
Incidentally, during that last line, I accidentally kicked the man who looked like my father right in the face.
Hey, I’m a baby. You can forgive me for that right now.
I’m sorry. Oh, I regret nothing—er, I mean, I’m reflecting on my actions.
“Well, our Yoshito sure is energetic.”
“He might be throwing a fit because he wants some milk.”
“Then why don’t you breastfeed him…? Owowowowo!? All right, I understand! Please stop punching me without saying a word! I’ll get it ready right away! I’m sorry!”
Beyond the baby crib, a man and a woman were engaged in what looked like a full-blown slapstick comedy routine. The man was the very picture of a kind, gentle young man. He’s pretty handsome, too.
Tch.
Guys who look like those harmless, herbivore-type pretty boys are always doing all sorts of things behind the scenes. I’m not falling for it! (Totally biased.)
At the tender age of zero, I had already resolved to commit patricide. From now on, I wouldn’t call him Dad or Father. I’m going to call him “Old Man”.
“Naoki-sama should be bringing your milk shortly. Please wait a little longer.”
As for the woman, she was wearing a black suit despite being inside the house.
Her age… early twenties, maybe?
Her expression was stiff, but there was no doubt about it—she’s beautiful. She had a cool, perfectly composed air about her, like someone who never let her guard down. There’s a certain invisible line between us, too. Somehow, she didn’t give off a very motherly vibe.
But whatever. That was hardly important.
There was something else that caught my attention.
The woman’s head.
Twitch, twitch.
Peeking out from between her glossy black hair were a pair of cat ears.
Cosplay? Wearing cat ears with a business suit is a little too niche, don’t you think?
However, she didn’t exactly strike me as an otaku, either.
All right. This was exactly the sort of situation where the [Appraisal] skill came in handy.
“Daaa dadoo(reveal)… da-dat-da-daa (thy true identity in full detail…) dau-dou(activate) Da-dada! [Appraisal]!”
The truth is, I only need to focus my mind to activate a skill, but I still think incantations have a certain romantic appeal. It’s frustrating that the people who hype up instant casting just don’t get that.
A few seconds later, a pale, translucent panel—visible only to me—floated into view.
| [Name] Suika [Gender] Female [Race] Nekomata [Age] 121 years old [Title] Unknown [Contractor] Naoki Ishirogi [Stats] ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Level: 19 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Attack Power: 22 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Defense Power: 12 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Vitality: 12 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Magic Power: 20 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Mental Strength: 40 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Agility: 45 [Abilities] Unknown [Skills] Unknown [Magic] Unknown ※1 Sorry, turns out it’s actually hard to use [Appraisal] in another world! ※2 The translation team is working hard on it, so stay tuned! (by Alcapa) |
Wait, are these stats actually measured in human power?
No divine power?
Either way, the more important part was the [Race] field.
Nekomata. I never expected to run into something this fantastical right from the very beginning. Though I suppose it was less “fantasy” and more like some kind of Japanese supernatural folklore.
Either way, those were real cat ears. They looked fluffy and soft, and as far as I was concerned, I wanted to touch them.
“Daa-daaa(Excuse me) Ouuuu-daaa-da(Just lemme moof moof your ears a little!) Daauu-daaa(Please let me moof them!)”
“If it’s milk you want, there’s no need to get so worked up. Naoki-sama is preparing it right now.”
Judging by the way she spoke, Suika is probably something like Old Man’s subordinate—or perhaps a familiar bound to him. There had been a [Contract] field in her status, after all.
Which naturally raised the question: Just what the hell was Old Man?
Conveniently, he had just returned nearby.
Perfect. I’ll use [Appraisal] on him as well.
| [Name] Naoki Ishirogi [Gender] Male [Race] Human [Age] 29 years old [Occupation] Exorcist [Title] Head of the Ishirogi Family (4th Generation); Good-for-nothing [Stats] ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Level: 25 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Attack Power: 15 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Defense Power: 12 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Vitality: 11 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Magic Power: 14 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Mental Strength: 8 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Agility: 10 [Abilities] Unknown [Skills] Unknown [Magic] Unknown |
Good-for-Nothing? Seriously?
My old man had the face of a ridiculously handsome man and absolutely nothing else going for him. It was painful to watch.
“You’re late, Naoki-sama.”
“I hurried as much as I could you know….”
Naoki then turned to Suika.
“Suika, would you like to try feeding him some milk?”
“I am not particularly good with children. They tend to be frightened of me.”
“It’ll be fine. He’s my son, after all.”
What was with this inexplicable confidence my old man had in me? Honestly, I’m dying to betray it.
“Th-then…. if you’ll excuse me.”
Whoa. Suika is really nervous. And yet, she was forcing herself to smile. Unfortunately, that only made her look like a carnivore baring its fangs. Her hands were trembling like crazy, too.
Yeah. Any normal baby would be bawling their eyes out by now.
“H-here you go…”
A baby bottle was held out to me. I decided to take it without putting up a fuss.
Apparently, my mother had already passed away, so it was artificial formula for me every single day.
Gulp, gulp
Ah…Hmm. Not bad.
I’ll have another!
“Wow…”
Suika gazed at me as I drink, her expression growing all soft and dreamy. For someone who looked so stern and unapproachable, maybe she actually had a weakness for cute things.
“Yaa-yah! Daa-uuu!”
I decided to indulge her a little and flashed her a big smile.
Then, just for good measure, I grabbed one of Suika’s fingers.
And then—
“～～～～!”
Poof. Suika’s face suddenly turned bright red.
Heh heh. Looks like I just raised a flag.
Nah, no way. That was probably just the natural charm bonus that came with being a baby.
“N-Naoki-sama!”
Suika cried out, her voice cracking with excitement.
“I-I-I…! I’ll become this child’s mother! W-Would it be all right if I took him back to our village?!”
Huh?
Suika, aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself here?
All that from watching me eat? Seriously, you’re way too easy.
Wait, hold on.
She’s a nekomata. And she has a village. Which means… a village full of cute cat-eared girls!
All right, I’m sold.
Heh heh heh. I’ll gather catnip and build myself a harem!
That’s what I was thinking when—
“I’m happy to hear how you feel, Suika, but I’m sorry. I can’t accept your offer.”
What the hell, Old Man?
Why are you turning her down?
“I intend to raise Yoshito as an ordinary human. The Ishirogi family’s days as exorcists will end with my generation, after all.”
Oii…. are you alright, Old Man?
This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com
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