Category: Gendai mo angai fantajidattanode, suki-houdai ni ikiyou to omou

『You don’t have to force yourself to come to terms with what happened in the previous life. I’m sorry I forgot about it, but I’ll take responsibility for what I did.

…Once we’re both grown up, let’s get married, just like we promised.』

That was what I told her.

As I said it, I couldn’t help but think, “This really isn’t a conversation a six-month-old baby should be having, is it?”

From Suika and now this, my second life is getting way too eventful.

『Um, so…』

Mia squeezed the hand she’s holding a little tighter.

『I’m really happy to hear how you feel, Hero. My heart’s pounding right now. But… I think I’d like to put things like being lovers or getting married on hold for now.』

『Why?』

『I might change my mind after all. And even if it’s only by name, we’re still brother and sister…』

『If your feelings change, we can talk about it then. I’m only being entrusted to the Kirasawa family, after all. There’s nothing stopping us from getting married.』

Come to think of it, what happens to my last name?

Am I really being adopted? Or am I still going to be an Ishirogi?

『But, um…』

『What is it?』

『Well, you see… I, uh…』

Mia faltered, unable to get the words out.

What was it?

I was about to tell her that if it was something difficult to say, she could always tell me tomorrow—or some other day. But before I could get the words out—

『—Ah, forget it!』

Mia snapped.

『If you’re going to figure things out on your own, then figure it out properly, you half-baked hero!』

『Ow! Ow, ow, ow—wait a sec, calm down! Don’t dig your nails in—seriously, that actually hurts you know!』

『Shut up! I like you, Hero!  And because I like you, I don’t want you to be with me just because you feel obligated or because you think it’s your responsibility!』

Her telepathic voice was blasting through my head at full volume.

This is bad. I’m starting to feel a little dizzy.

『Like me! For REAL! Really really like me! And then confess to me! Propose to me! Idiot! Stupid hero!』

I’m sorry. I sincerely apologize.

So, could you please let go of my left hand?

Because somehow, I’ve suddenly found myself trapped in an arm lock, and it hurts. It hurts so much. I’m going to die. I’m seriously going to die. For a baby, she sure knows an impressive number of joint locks. Although, I suppose this is quite literally a case of twisting a baby’s arm…

Anyway, it hurts like hell and I’m genuinely in danger here, so please, for the love of God, let me go.

Seriously.

『It’s on hold! Listen, I said it’s on hold—so it’s on hold! Until the Hero falls for me, we are absolutely nothing more than brother and sister! Get it!?』

Oh…oh… I understand.

No wait, aren’t I already being bossed around by her?

＊ ＊ ＊

And so, after everything that had happened, we eventually settled into the role of “siblings”—at least for the time being. Mia, in particular, seemed very conscious of keeping that boundary in place, so she never got overly clingy or affectionate with me.

Well, I suppose it would be pretty creepy for our parents if two babies, barely one or two years old, were already acting lovey-dovey with each other.

『Ho-holding hands while we sleep is normal, right?』

Still, we might have been a little closer than the average brother and sister.

And so, the days passed by in the Kirasawa household.

Mia picked up Japanese in no time at all, and by the time she turned one, she’s already capable of reading ordinary novels. She also watched a lot of television. Apparently, she was especially fond of a show about a hero with a face shaped like a certain red bean-paste bun.

『Just by replacing his face, he makes a full recovery… Humanity really has developed some terrifying undead creatures…』

『No, that’s fiction.』

Apparently, Mia had mistaken 『Sore ike! Anpanman』 for reality. Well, I suppose it wasn’t entirely impossible. She did come from a fantasy world, after all.

『Then that little black one isn’t a demon?』

『It’s just a germ.』

『So that means he’s one of Pazuzu’s minions.』

Pazuzu? The father who dies protecting the protagonist in the fifth installment of that famous national RPG series, right?

Sorry. That’s a lie. The name that came to mind just now really was Pazuzu. One of the Four Great Commanders of the Demon Lord’s army, he possessed the power to manipulate plagues. At some point, he disguised himself as a human and approached me, so, in an attempt to deepen our friendship, I took him to a public bath.

He died there.

I scrubbed his back nice and thoroughly with soap, and he immediately started foaming at the mouth before breathing his last. Well, what a way to go.

I wasn’t trying to kill him though. Seriously, I wasn’t.

In any case, it seems like I have to teach Mia the common sense and general rules of this world. You could say that’s simply part of a parent’s job, but I also owed a great deal to the people who were raising me.

On top of that, we decided to start training our magic. We had these powers, after all. It would be a waste not to develop them, right?

So, what exactly did our training involve?

『Go get him, Hikone-nyan! Beat up Oniisan!』

『Don’t lose, Capybara-kun-san! Knock him flying with a body slam!』

We each used our magic power to control stuffed animals, making them fight each other with little “bonk-bonk” noises.

It’s a rather pastoral, fairy-tale sort of scene, but it’s actually perfect for honing our magical control.

We would use precise movements to dodge each other’s attacks—

『Now, Capybara-kun-san! Flamethrower!』

『The house is going to burn down, you idiot!』

My apologies. For the record, we were also extremely careful to make sure neither Shuji-san nor Yuko-san ever found out about any of this.

I turned two. Mia and I had the same birthday, so our family celebrated the two of us together.

Our presents were Recoblocks. Yep! I used to love these too.

『Oniisan, look! I made the Demon Lord’s castle!』

『That’s actually pretty close…』

Between the two of us, we never ran out of things to build or ways to recreate the structures from the world we had come from.

『But these blocks are way too sturdy.』

『What’s wrong with that?』

『Hmm… If they were real buildings, they’d collapse when something hit them, right? Isn’t that kind of beautiful?』

—Destruction is my joy. Those who are doomed to die are the beautiful ones.

…That was something the Great Demon Lord said in the third installment of a certain beloved national RPG, but I am starting to sense a similar aesthetic in Mia. I suppose that was what you got when the Demon Lord’s daughter had a say in things.

Come to think of it, lately Mia had been watching almost nothing but anime and tokusatsu aimed at boys. Last Friday’s movie on Friday Roadshow had been Gamera 3, and she’d practically lit up when she saw the scene where Kyoto Station was destroyed.

＊ ＊ ＊

Another year passed, and we started kindergarten.

The day before the entrance ceremony, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. As I walked down the hall, I heard Shuji-san’s voice coming from the living room.

Apparently, he was on the phone with someone.

“…I told you about this a long time ago. The least you could do is come see them all dressed up for their entrance ceremony.”

His tone was as calm and matter-of-fact as ever. But there was something helpless about it, as though he didn’t know what else he could do.

“If tomorrow doesn’t work, then come another day. Just once, meet Yoshito and—hey, Naoki, wait. Don’t hang up. I’m not finished talking—”

Apparently, Shuji-san had been trying to invite my Old Man to our entrance ceremony.

It wasn’t as though I particularly wanted to see that man’s face, but I appreciated the thought.

Shuji-san really is a good guy. I honestly really couldn’t understand why someone like him is friends with my Old Man.

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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About a week had passed since I was taken in by the Kirasawa family.

Just as I’d been told beforehand, they had absolutely nothing to do with yokai or exorcists. The head of the household, Shuji-san, is a high school teacher and also served as the advisor for the school’s kendo club. Apparently, he’d known my Old Man since middle school, and Old Man had been dumping one troublesome matter after another on him ever since.

Still, I doubt he ever expected to end up taking care of someone else’s kid.

I’m truly sorry. Seriously.

Someday, I’m going to make Old Man pay for this.

Yep. I definitely am.

His wife, Yuko-san, is a housewife. Apparently, she and Shuji-san had known each other since they were children.

So childhood-friend endings really do exist…

You really can’t underestimate reality.

And finally, their daughter, Mia.

Apparently, she’s the reincarnation of Mia Granzfield.

When we first met, Mia had casually dropped the bombshell that she was “the Hero’s lover”—or should I say, a telepathic bombshell?—but I had absolutely no memory of it.

Did I simply forgot? Or was she mistaken about something?

I wanted to get to the bottom of that as soon as possible, but—

『L-Let’s just say the past is the past, okay? Besides, look! It’s a new picture book!』

No matter how I approached the subject, she somehow managed to dodge the question.

『Oniisan, will you read it with me? I want to learn this country’s language as quickly as I can.』

Mia is surprisingly serious about learning Japanese. Hiragana, katakana, and kanji.

With all three mixed together, Japanese was considered one of the more difficult languages in the world to learn. Maybe that complexity only fueled Mia’s competitive spirit. Whenever she had a spare moment, she was reading a book.

Now, the picture book she’d brought over this time is—Whoa. Seriously?

『Mia, you’re really sure you want this one?』

『What’s wrong, Hero— I mean, Oniisan. Dad went all the way out and bought it for me, so it’d be a waste not to read it.』

『All right… Well, you are the Demon Lord’s daughter, so I guess you’ll be fine.』

The picture book was probably a pretty famous one. I imagined plenty of people knew it. Some might even have childhood trauma associated with it.

I read the title aloud.

『—Who’s the One Who Won’t Go to Sleep?』

A child who stayed awake too late would be taken away to the land of ghosts, never to return.

It was a simple story, but there was something strangely realistic about it—enough to make you think, “What if something like this really could happen…?”

Heh. Even a Hero like me broke out in a cold sweat.

Mia, on the other hand…

“Uu…”

She was trembling. She clung to one of the cushions in the living room, shaking so violently that her whole body was quivering.

『You really were scared, huh?』

『I-I wasn’t!』

Mia was putting on the most blatantly obvious brave face imaginable.

『B-because I’m the Demon Lord’s daughter, you know? I’ve seen skeletons and zombies plenty of times. I’m fine. Yeah, I’m fine.』

Despite her words, her face had gone deathly pale.

I’d been planning to ask her about our previous lives again after we finished the picture book, but it seemed like that was the last thing on her mind right now.

That night.

As expected, or perhaps inevitably, Mia couldn’t seem to fall asleep. We’d been laid side by side in a crib made for twins, with a wooden railing separating us down the middle.

I was on the left. Mia was on the right. Mia tossed and turned restlessly, occasionally darting her eyes around the room as if checking every corner.

『Looking for ghosts?』

『Eek!?』

The moment I sent the telepathic message her way, I got an adorable little shriek in response.

『You scared me… Don’t just talk to me out of nowhere, Oniisan.』

『Sorry, sorry. Is it because of that picture book? Can’t you sleep because of it?』

『N-No! My eyes are just wide awake, that’s all. There’s no way the Demon Lord’s daughter would be scared of ghosts.』

『Wow, impressive. —Oh, wait, Mia. Behind you. Behind you!』

I put on an expression of utter shock. The idea was to look like Victim Number One in a horror movie who’d just spotted the monster.

『Huh? What? What!?』

Mia shuddered violently, then slowly turned around, as though terrified of what she might find behind her.

And there—

『Well, there’s nothing there.』

『Thank goodness…』

Mia breathed a huge sigh of relief, patting her chest.

『Stop it, Oniisan. I’m already scared enough because of that picture book…』

『Oh? Because of the picture book?』

『Ah! Wait, forget I said that! Forget it! It just slipped out. It doesn’t mean that’s how I really feel or anything—』

『Okay, okay. You’re the Demon Lord’s daughter, after all. Ghosts don’t scare you, right?』

As I said that, I reached my hand through the gap in the wooden railing toward Mia.

『Actually, I’m kind of a scaredy-cat myself. Just until we fall asleep, okay? Could you hold my hand?』

『Um…』

Mia seemed to hesitate for a while. But eventually—

『I-If you’re scared, Oniisan, then I guess I have no choice.』

Reluctantly, she reached over and took my hand.

『Oniisan, your hand is really warm.』

『I circulate magic through my body to raise its temperature. Feels nice, doesn’t it?』

『Wow.』

Mia nodded, looking genuinely fascinated.

『So magic can be used like that, too.』

『Very handy in winter. You can even sleep naked.』

『Even though you’re the Hero, you’re a pervert…』

『I’m a pervert before I’m a Hero—wait, no! I’m not a pervert! I’m perfectly normal. Totally normal.』

『Are you really?』

Mia gave a small, quiet giggle.

It seemed she was finally starting to relax.

『So, Mia…』

『Yeah?』

『If a ghost shows up, I’ll blast it away with magic. I’ll protect you, no matter what, so you can relax, okay?』

『Hehe. What happened to you? You were scared yourself just a little while ago… But, thanks. You really are kind, Hero.』

Mia looked away from me.

There was something lonely about her profile—something I couldn’t just ignore.

『Will you tell me about our previous lives?』

So I steeled myself and finally stepped into the subject I’d been avoiding.

『For some reason, my memories just stop. The last thing I remember is holding your hand, just like we are now.』

『That’s fine, then. I said this earlier, but the past is the past. We should just leave it behind and move on—』

『—Have you really moved on, Mia?』

I interrupted her, pressing on before she could finish.

『If you’ve really moved on, then why do you look like you’re in so much pain? You look like you’re about to cry. Tell me, okay? Talk to me about it. …I’m worried about you.』

I stared straight into Mia’s eyes.

For a long time, she didn’t answer.

Silence filled the room.

The only sound in the bedroom was the quiet breathing of her parents as they slept.

Eventually—

『Can I… really tell you?』

Mia asked hesitantly, as though testing the waters.

『If I tell you, I’ll probably become a burden to you, Hero.』

『That’s fine.』

『You might start seeing me as a nuisance.』

『It’ll be okay. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.』

I had absolutely no evidence to back that up, nor did I have the slightest idea how we were going to manage it. But confidence? I had plenty of that. After all, I’d managed to thwart the Evil God’s schemes through sheer lack of planning.

—If only you possessed a little more capacity for thought, my plan would have succeeded…

Huh? Now that I think about it, that line from the Evil God was basically a roundabout way of calling me an idiot, wasn’t it?

Damn it. I’ll destroy him. Oh, wait. I already did.

Sorry.

『…You really are pretty carefree, aren’t you, Hero?』

『People work better when they know how to relax and not take everything so seriously.』

『So tell me. Did we, by any chance, promise to get married?』

『Yes.』

『But surely even I wouldn’t have been reckless enough to go that far—』

Wait.

『For reaaal!?』

Mia nodded vigorously.

She must have been embarrassed, because her face was bright red.

『If it’s not too much trouble, would you perhaps be so kind as to enlighten me as to the circumstances that led us to that point?』

The revelation had been so utterly shocking that my Japanese had completely abandoned me.

＊ ＊ ＊

 A little while before the dungeon completely collapsed,

—Actually… I’d liked you for a long time, Hero.

Apparently, Mia had confessed her feelings to me, and I’d promised her, “When we’re reincarnated, let’s get married.”

Hmm. I didn’t remember any of that.

Apparently, right up until we were crushed beneath the rubble, we’d been absorbed in activities somewhere around an R-15 rating. Somehow, that entire portion of my memory had gone missing.

Sorry, Mia. Please forgive your faithless older brother.

『B-But, you know… if you don’t remember it, Hero, then maybe it was just something I imagined, right? They say people see all sorts of things right before they die.』

Mia hurriedly tried to soften the blow.

『So I thought maybe you don’t have to take it so seriously…』

It was heavy. The very kindness with which she was trying so hard not to burden me somehow made it feel even heavier.

『I’m really sorry. It’s awkward being hit with something like this out of the blue, isn’t it? Honestly, feel free to just ignore it. 』

What was I supposed to say?

I agonized over it. Actually, there was no need to.

The way Mia had reacted the moment we met. The way she felt about me was painfully, unmistakably obvious.

So I decided to answer her.

『Mia, you said that the past is the past, and that we should just leave it as that. —But I don’t think that way.』

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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“〇〇〇〇~~♪ 〇〇〇~〇〇〇〇~~♪”

We drove to my relative’s house, but the entire trip was basically Old Man’s personal karaoke concert.

I’ve censored the lyrics to avoid copyright issues.

You know the one—something about a robot that can’t cry tears, doing some kind of scramble dash. If you know what I’m talking about, feel free to leave a comment in the reviews.

“〇〇~〇〇〇〇〇〇〇〇〇〇♪ 〇〇~〇〇〇〇〇〇♪ 〇〇〇〇〇~♪”

He sang all sorts of other songs, too, but every single one was either from a robot anime or a tokusatsu superhero show. I’m pretty knowledgeable about that stuff myself, but I had absolutely no intention of singing along.

If anything—

“〇〇〇~〇〇~〇~♪ 〇・〇・〇・〇—”

“Waaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Right when he was really getting into it, I’d scream my lungs out and completely ruin the part where he was supposed to get fired up.

“…Yoshito, do you hate me?”

“Giggle giggle♪ Giggle giggle♪”

Pretend to be a baby. Pretend to be a baby.

I’m an innocent little baby, Old Man! I wasn’t trying to mess up your singing or anything!

I kept up my little acts of harassment as we got onto the expressway, eventually got off, and drove for another two hours.

The car finally entered a provincial city along the coast. We stopped in front of a beautiful detached house in a quiet residential neighborhood. A two-story home with its own garden. It had a pretty middle-class vibe to it.

“…It’s been a long time, Naoki.”

The man who came out to greet us was tall and well-built, with a lean, disciplined physique.

Judging by his build, he probably practiced some kind of martial art. He’s a man of few words, with a stoic air about him.

“Hey, Shuji. Well then, I’ll leave this kid in your care.”

Old Man handed me over to the other party and promptly left without so much as a proper thank-you.

Even if he’s only asking them to raise his own son, wasn’t that attitude a little much? It was downright inconsiderate. Or maybe just plain lacking in common sense.

Sorry about my Old Man.

When I’m old enough, I’ll repay this family for their kindness—not him.

“Come on.”

The man called Shuji didn’t seem offended in the slightest. He simply carried me inside.

The entrance was spotlessly tidy. There was probably some kind of air freshener around, because the place was filled with a pleasant, citrusy floral scent.

“Oh, Shuji, what happened to the boy’s father?”

In the living room, a kind-looking woman is gently soothing a baby. Probably their child.

“Naoki said he was busy. Well, nothing new there.”

“Oh, what a shame. I made extra food for lunch, too.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll eat all of it myself.”

“Hehe. Just don’t eat so much that you upset your stomach.”

The two of them exchanged warm smiles.

They seemed to be a very happy couple.

“Yuu! Yuu!”

The voice didn’t come from me. It belonged to the other baby in the room.

“Oh, my. It looks like Mia’s interested in Yoshito-kun.”

Mia. Judging by the name, I guessed the baby’s a girl.

“Good for you, Mia. You’re getting a big brother. …Or would he be your little brother?”

“Shuji, didn’t you ask Yoshito-kun when his birthday is?”

“I believe it’s in October.”

“Mia’s birthday is in October, too.”

“Hmm…”

Shuji frowned, looking troubled.

“Give me a moment. I’ll call Naoki and ask.”

He sat me down on the living room sofa, then took out his smartphone and stepped into the hallway.

“My goodness, Shuji can be so clueless about the important details.”

The woman giggled softly. Then she bent down a little until we were at eye level.

“Nice to meet you, Yoshito-kun. I’m Yuko Kirasawa. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

She smiled warmly and introduced herself.

“And this is Mia, Kirasawa Mia. Be nice to her, okay?”

“Yuu! Yuu!”

It happened in an instant.

Mia squirmed free from her mother’s grasp and—

“Yuuu!”

—suddenly launched herself straight at me.

Could this be some kind of rite of passage for newcomers in the baby world?

Or so I thought.

Nope. That wasn’t it at all.

『Hey, are you the Hero? You’re the Hero, right?!』

A telepathic connection suddenly opened between us.

I had absolutely no idea what was going on.

How could a baby who’d only been alive for a few months use magic?

『I never thought I’d meet you in a place like this! Ehehe… Hero, Hero, Hero…』

Mia hugged me tightly, a radiant smile blooming across her face.

Apparently, she knew me from my previous life.

Could it be that one of my former party members had been reincarnated as well?

『Hey, do you remember me? I look so different now that you probably can’t recognize me.

It’s me, Mia. Mia Granzfield. The Demon Lord’s daughter, and, um… well… the Hero’s—』

Huh? W-what?

Your voice was too small. I couldn’t quite hear you. Could you say it again?

…Just kidding. At least with telepathy, there was no such thing as being hard of hearing.

What Mia had said was—the Hero’s lover.

What was that supposed to mean?

Even after searching through my memories of my previous life, I couldn’t think of a single thing that would explain it. As far as I remembered, the most I’d ever done was hold Mia’s hand at the very end.

Could it be that I was missing some memories, and I’d actually said something ridiculously romantic to her?

『Hero?』

Noticing my confusion, Mia peered into my eyes with her big, round eyes.

『Maybe… you don’t remember me?』

I couldn’t bring myself to answer. If I told her the truth, I would hurt her.

And that frightened me.

For a while, neither of us said anything. Eventually, Mia slowly pulled away.

『Uhm… I-I’m sorry, okay? You don’t have to worry about it, Hero. I just got carried away on my own. That’s all. Yeah. 』

She hurriedly tried to cover up her embarrassment.

『I’m not going to pretend to be your girlfriend when you don’t even remember me. And, well… we’re siblings, anyway. So, uhm… I’d be happy if you could just get along with me as family. Hehe… 』

＊ ＊ ＊

I was born at 5:00 a.m. on October 18th. Mia was born at 1:00 p.m. on October 18th.

By the narrowest of margins, that made me the older brother.

Apparently, Old Man hadn’t even remembered the exact time of my birth, so Shuji-san had called the hospital to find out.

Talk about being meticulous.

Anyway, that’s not important.

I need some advice.

HELP WANTED. My lover (presumably) from my previous life has become my little sister. How the hell am I supposed to act around her?

The fact that she’s being way too considerate and keeping her distance only makes it hurt even more.

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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What the hell was that whole “I can’t let him get caught up in our tangled history” act? Seriously, he even said it with that smug little smirk.

As long as their enemy could launch attacks from a distance, running away somewhere else wouldn’t make much difference anyway.

Apparently Suika thought the same thing.

“Even if we separate Yoshito-sama from ourselves, there is still a possibility that he may be targeted.”

“Don’t worry. I have plenty of reliable allies I can count on.”

“…Have you contacted them, by any chance?”

“Exactly. All five of them agreed without hesitation.”

Who on earth is he talking about?

Five people…

Could they be the same women who had been candidates for my mother?

“There are some people in this world you should never pick a fight with. I’m one of them. Ishirogi Naoki.”

The expression on Old Man’s face was one I hadn’t seen even once during the past six months.

“I’m sure that bastard thinks I’m nothing more than some useless exorcist. But he’s going to learn the hard way. My women will be coming to collect what he owes me soon. Serves you right! Hahahahaha!”

He burst into laughter, openly mocking someone who wasn’t even there.

Man…

My old man was getting seriously vindictive.

Can I hit him with another Baby Bottle Rocket Punch?

And on top of all that grandstanding, it sounded like he was going to leave the actual fighting to the women.

That part was almost even worse…

“…Excuse me.”

Suika spoke up, looking somewhat exasperated.

“If the matter concerning the curse user is going to be resolved like this, I don’t believe there’s any need to separate Yoshito-sama from this household.”

“No, no, it’s not that simple. There’s always a possibility that some kind of organization is backing him. Yoshito needs to be evacuated. You too, Suika.”

“Me?”

“You’re not like me or those five. You have less resistance to things like this. Yoshito happened to save you this time, but there’s no telling what might happen next. —Go back to the village.”

“So I’m no longer needed.”

“I care deeply about you, Suika. That’s why I want you to stay somewhere safe. Please, try to understand.”

Old Man proceeded to pile on one embarrassingly smooth line after another before giving her a cool, handsome smile.

If this were an anime, the heroine would undoubtedly be blushing right about now. It was that kind of sweet, heart-melting smile.

But Suika didn’t seem moved in the slightest.

“If that is what my master has decided, then I have no choice.”

Her voice was almost cold enough to push him away.

“When will Yoshito-sama be leaving this house?”

“We’re waiting for their reply, but if everything goes quickly, three days. A week at the latest, I think.”

“So, at least not tonight.”

“Right. Stay by Yoshito’s side for me. I seem to be rather disliked by him….”

Old Man deliberately let his shoulders droop, putting on an exaggeratedly dejected expression.

Suika muttered under her breath,

“—Perhaps it’s because he’s already seen just how rotten you are inside.”

“Hm? Did you say something?”

“I believe it was merely the sound of the wind.”

＊＊＊

Once their conversation was over, Old Man headed off somewhere. He’d been muttering things like, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen the five of them,” and, “I wonder if I’m in for the getting-drained-dry-until-morning course.”

At that point, I honestly hoped the bastard would just explode. Mom was probably crying at her grave, too.

That left just the two of us in the living room: Suika and me. Suika let out a quiet sigh before speaking.

“—Yoshito-sama, you’re awake, aren’t you?”

So she knew. I slowly opened my eyes and found Suika peering down at me with a gentle expression.

“As I thought. You can understand what we’re saying, can’t you?”

How should I respond to that?

I thought about it for a moment, then activated a certain spell.

“《Telepathy》”

Just as its name suggested, it allowed me to directly speak into another person’s mind. Establishing the pathway required some magical energy, but I’d recovered enough to manage even that much.

『Sorry, can you hear me?』

“Yo…Yoshito-sama?”

『Yes. It’s me. Yoshito Ishirogi.』

I met Suika’s eyes and slowly nodded.

『This is a mental communication, but could you listen to me for a little while?』

If I let her continue thinking I was some kind of genius, I might end up dealing with all sorts of unexpected trouble down the road. Better to have at least one person close to me who understood what was really going on.

And so, I spent the better part of an hour giving her the abridged version of my previous life.

“Reincarnation…? I never imagined such a thing truly existed…”

Suika’s reaction was not what I’d expected. Considering that this world had youkai and exorcists, I had assumed reincarnation wouldn’t be all that unusual.

Apparently, I was wrong.

“The same applies to other worlds. If you were to ask the exorcists or magicians of this world—or even a youkai like myself—they would tell you that other worlds exist only in fiction.”

『Oh….』

The modern world is surprisingly fantastical. And yet, strangely enough, it wasn’t fantastical at all.

Maybe it was lacking in fictional elements. Or perhaps it was simply halfway realistic.

Wait. This isreality, isn’t it?

If so, calling it “realistic” didn’t really make sense.

What even is reality?

“But…”

Suika’s voice pulled me back from the maze of my own thoughts.

“I think I’m willing to believe what you’ve told me, Yoshito-sama. You are my savior, after all.”

Thank goodness. That worked out.

If she hadn’t believed me here, I would’ve been in a bit of a bind. I was deeply grateful for how open-minded Suika was.

“By the way, what did you look like in your previous life, Yoshito-sama?”

『Well…. something roughly like this.』

I sent her an image of my former appearance through Telepathy.

One convenient thing about the spell was that it could transmit not only words, but images and even video.

“.…!”

For some reason, Suika suddenly lowered her head, looking rather embarrassed.

『What’s wrong?』

Had I accidentally sent her some weird image or something?

“No, it’s just… about something that happened before.”

Suika fidgeted, seemingly unsure how to phrase it. Her cheeks had turned so red they looked like they might start steaming.

“I was just thinking about how much you must have seen of me back then…”

She pressed a hand to her chest.

Oh.

A memory from a little while ago flashed through my mind. That embarrassing incident where Suika had completely misunderstood the situation and treated me like an ordinary baby. Back then, she had no idea that the person inside this baby’s body possessed memories from another life.

But now that she knew the truth….

『O-oh, uh—S-Suika-san! I’m so, so sorry! Really, I apologize!』

I desperately apologized through Telepathy, my mental voice practically screaming. As I desperately apologized, I couldn’t help praising my past self. Long live my cowardice.

If I’d simply followed my instincts back then, who knew what kind of looks I’d be getting from Suika now?

“N-No! Please, don’t worry about it! I was the one who did it of my own accord, and besides, your appearance in your previous life was… well, rather handsome, I suppose, and you were so adorable back then, and when I think about that now, it’s just…”

She trailed off, her face growing redder and redder.

How much of that was sincere?

How much was flattery?

Or was she simply panicking and blurting out whatever came to mind?

“My apologies.”

As I stood there wondering how to respond, Suika eventually seemed to regain her composure. She cleared her throat and continued.

“Please, don’t give any further thought to what happened in the past. Uhm… that said, I do owe you a great deal, and if that is what you wish, Yoshito-sama, I would gladly—”

『S-Suika-san, I’m fine! Please calm down! More importantly, let’s talk about what happens from here on out. Yes. The future. Let’s talk about the future.』

Continuing down that road was far too dangerous. Especially for my sanity.

『There is one thing about my previous life I’d prefer to keep hidden from Old Man, if possible.』

“Understood. I believe that would be for the best as well. Naoki-sama is, well, how should I put it…”

『Like he’s giving off an evil aura?』

“…I won’t deny that.”

Suika lowered her eyes. It was a more unmistakable confirmation than any words could have been.

“However, I am bound by this contract. I cannot rule out the possibility that Naoki-sama might use it to forcibly extract the truth from me.”

『Oh, that’s not a problem.』

While maintaining our telepathic conversation, I had been analyzing the contract placed on Suika. As far as spellcraft went, it was about as crude as you could get.

Rewriting it would be easy.

『《Invasion Formula》・《Thy Binding Chain Shall Pass Into My Hands》(Invaidly N T R)』

The ‘R’ in the original incantation is pronounced “ri”, not “ra-re”. If you don’t get it, look up NTR.

I disguised the alterations I had made to the contract, leaving Old Man as the apparent contractor on the surface. In reality, however, I had taken complete control of its actual authority.

『You’re safe now. Old Man can’t interfere with you through the contract anymore. But, I’d rather keep this hidden as much as possible, so unless something truly serious happens, please continue pretending to obey him.』

Strange.

There was no response.

『.…Suika-san?』

Suika simply stared at me in stunned silence, blinking repeatedly.

『Suika?』

“My apologies. I was rather surprised.”

『Could it be that this contract is considered a particularly high-level one in this world?』

At my question, Suika nodded deeply.

“It is known as a formula that cannot be rewritten.”

Well, that explained why she was so shocked. And honestly, I was pretty shocked myself.

Could it be that this world’s magical technology was somewhat underdeveloped because its scientific technology had advanced so far?

In any case, we’d finally reached the end of the personal-history portion of our conversation.

Now came the important part. I decided to have Suika teach me the basics of this world’s common knowledge. I had lived in this world for a while during my previous life, but when it came to exorcists and all the other supernatural stuff, I was completely clueless.

I didn’t want to step on some unexpected landmine, so gathering information was essential. One thing in particular caught my interest: how a “normal exorcist” would be expected to react upon seeing me.

“Once or twice every fifty years, someone appears who can truly be called a genius. I believe Naoki-sama views Yoshito-sama as someone of that caliber.”

『So they wouldn’t consider the possibility that I’m reincarnated?』

“No. Most exorcists believe reincarnation and the cycle of rebirth are nothing more than fiction.”

I see. As long as I didn’t make any stupid mistakes, there was little chance anyone would discover that I was reincarnated.

There were a few other important things to discuss, too…

Oh, right.

Old Man’s women.

Apparently, every single one of them was among the most formidable people in the country.

According to Suika:

A woman who was Old Man’s blood-unrelated younger sister and carried a wolf god within her body—Yue Ishirogi.

A prototype created by a certain magical society as an experimental model for the “greatest mage in human history”—Aria El Samaria.

A girl born into an illustrious family of exorcists, but raised to become an assassin—Miya Azhiro.

Old Man’s childhood friend and a practitioner of an ancient sword style specializing in the purification of supernatural evil—Makina Kaminagi.

And finally, a demon princess who devotes her love to one person alone—Manya Rafild.

What the hell was this?

It was one ridiculous setup after another, the kind that made me want to scream, “SENG—what is this, some kind of eroge?!”

And every single one of them was after Old Man, and they were all in their late twenties.

Ugh. This was painful.

Who was this even supposed to appeal to? If this were a game, it would be getting absolutely roasted online. 

So Old Man was probably off somewhere right now, having a grand old time with all five of them. Even as his own son, I am seriously creeped out.

How the hell did someone like that end up being so popular with women?

“Naoki-sama possesses a power that is difficult to comprehend.”

Perhaps Suika had sensed my doubts, because she spoke up.

“He calls it the ‘Sign of Womanly Misfortune’ but it is something far more sinister and horrifying than that. I nearly fell under its influence myself.”

Was she talking about what had happened six months ago?

Back when I had first arrived at this house—the incident where Old Man had nearly managed to set a flag with Suika.

But after taking a step back and looking at things calmly, I came to understand.

“In Naoki-sama’s eyes, there is only himself. No matter how deeply a woman may fall for him, in the end, she will simply be used and discarded at his convenience. Even his desire to raise Yoshito-sama as an ordinary human may be part of some ulterior motive.”

＊＊＊

Five days later, one morning, Old Man came home looking suspiciously refreshed.

“Looks like they’ve got everything arranged on their end. I’m taking Yoshito with me now. —Suika. By the authority of our contract, I command you: return to the village.”

“…Understood.”

Suika left the house carrying a suitcase packed with her belongings. Without Old Man noticing, the two of us exchanged a few words through Telepathy.

『I hope we meet again someday, Yoshito-sama.』

『When I’m older—middle school, high school, well, whenever I’m old enough—I’ll come find you.』

『Yes.』

Then Suika gave me a faint, alluring smile and she quietly added through telepathy,

『I’ll always be waiting for the day when I can see Yoshito-sama again.』

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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Six months had passed since I came to live in this house.

Old Man hardly ever came home, so it had been just Suika and me living together all this time.

“Fwoo… fwoo…”

In front of me sat a bowl of warm, mushy rice porridge. I had started on solid food.

“Yoshito-sama, h-here you go…”

Suika is holding a spoon, but her hand is trembling so badly from nerves that she could easily have poked me right in the eye if I wasn’t careful. I waited for the right moment, then opened my mouth and happily took a bite.

“Yaa—(delicious!) Yayayaa—(This is soooooo good!)”

Rice. The soul food of Japan. After having nothing but bread in another world, finally tasting rice again was deeply moving. I couldn’t help breaking into a huge smile.

“～～～～!”

Suika practically writhed with delight. Her cat ears and tail were flapping wildly.

After the meal, I decided it was finally time to put my long-standing plan into action. Suika is washing dishes in the kitchen, so she couldn’t see much of what ishappening in the living room.

Now is my chance.

Uh-, sorry for the sudden change of subject, but you see, there is a certain device in my house. A round thing that automatically went around cleaning the floor.

A robot vacuum.

You think I should call it a “Roomba” instead?

That’s a trademarked name and all that. You know what I mean.

“Daa-uuu! (Today, I, will become…) daa—Daaa! (the Roomba Rider!)”

Everyone has wondered about it at least once, “Wouldn’t it be fun to ride a Roomba?”

And as a baby, I am small and light. It should be fine.

Time to show off the riding skills I’d honed in another world!

“Awababa da-dau-dau! (Awaken from thy seal!) Awabababa— (Storm-wielding mechanical beast! Roomba!)”

After an entirely pointless incantation, I switched it on. Then I climbed aboard.

The Roomba let out a low, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sound.

Oho.

This… This is freaking awesome!

It looked like I was about to crash straight into the wall—but at the last second, I made it turn. Then, just when it seemed to come to a complete stop, it suddenly spun around three times.

The perfect amount of danger. This is exhilarating. It’s pretty fast going in a straight line, too.

Right now, the Roomba and I had become one. Not “one man and one horse” but “one man and one Roomba!”

Okay, okay, that sounded terrible. Sorry for that.

“Y-Yoshito-sama?”

Oops. I’d gotten so absorbed in riding the Roomba that I’d completely forgotten about Suika.

I figured she’s probably going to scold me.

Instead—

“Please wait here a moment.”

She hurried upstairs with surprisingly light footsteps, then returned carrying a handheld video camera.

“Yoshito-sama, please look this way! And give me a smile!”

This woman is such a doting mother!?

“Kyah, kyah!”

Well, she worked so hard taking care of me every day. I supposed I could indulge her once in a while.

I gave Suika a smile about thirty percent bigger than my usual one. And so, our bizarre little photo shoot continued.

When suddenly—

“What on earth are you two doing…?”

Old Man had come home, wearing a thoroughly exasperated expression.

Damn it. Talk about ruining the fun.

I climbed off the Roomba and grabbed the baby bottle sitting on the table.

“Y-Y-Yoshito, calm down. Calm down, okay?”

Old Man had gone deathly pale.

Apparently, the trauma of “Rocket Punch” had come rushing back to him.

“I’m your papa. I’m not the enemy. Now, please put the baby bottle down.”

“…Naoki-sama, what are you doing, cowering before your own son?”

Suika sighed. Her expression had become as sharp and composed as ever, completely different from the doting woman who had been playing with me moments ago.

Still, I noticed her eyes kept darting toward the Roomba.

And then, the incident happened the following day.

“Yoshito-sama, it’s time for your nap.”

It was around two in the afternoon, I think, when Suika suddenly said that. She picked me up and carried me upstairs to my room.

“Then, if you’ll excuse me…”

After making sure I was asleep, Suika quietly slipped out.

Actually… I was only pretending to be asleep…

I slowly sat up. Something about Suika had seemed unusually urgent.

What could possibly be going on?

I was curious. Very curious.

The secret of the cat-eared beauty in the afternoon. When I try to put it this way, it’s extremely erotic.

By the way, Suika, what is Nekomata? I wonder if they have a heat cycle like cats do.

Gulp. Hey, let’s take a look at the situation below, I thought.

Suika-san, carelessly, didn’t put a fence around the crib. Moreover, the door to the room was not closed properly. It was easy to get out.

“What the hell is going on?”

With my heart full of pink anticipation, I descended with extreme caution. As I neared the first floor, a vibrating sound echoed from the other side of the living room door. I wonder if this is a vibrating adult Nantoyara.

What’s more, I sometimes hear high-pitched voices like “Nya” and “Kya.”

This…isn’t there a lewd thing going on just a door away?

This is a situation where a gentleman should quietly leave. However, I think it’s a common instinct among boys to be curious about the secrets of beautiful ladies.

I thought it would be safe to peek at it for a little while.

I made my way downstairs. Through the half-open living room door, I quietly peeked inside.

And there I saw—

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

“Nyaa♪ Nyaaah♪”

A cat is happily riding the Roomba and singing to herself. She had the biggest smile on her face. Her tail was black, and split into two. If I remembered correctly, the “mata” in nekomata referred to the tail splitting in two.

So…is that Suika?

This is exactly the sort of situation where [Appraisal] came in handy.

“……”

Yep. That’s Suika all right. Apparently, she’s using a skill called [Cat Transformation].

Had she really put me down for a nap just so she could play around on the Roomba?

“Nya?!”

Ah. Our eyes met.

“Nyaa… Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!?”

Poof.

Just as her body was enveloped in a cloud of smoke, the [Cat Transformation] wore off, and she returned to her human form. She was stark naked. The contrast between her rounded, white buttocks and the tail extending from them was dazzling.

“Uuh… I never expected you to come down from the second floor like that.”

The mental shock must have been immense. After getting dressed, Suika-san simply collapsed onto the sofa and fell asleep.

“My head is spinning…”

Well, Roomba does spin around like crazy, after all. Riding it for that long is bound to throw off one’s sense of balance.

“I apologize, Yoshito-sama. I will make sure to prepare dinner properly, so please let me rest for a while.”

By all means, go right ahead. If anything, I should be thanking you for always taking care of me. We can manage without a meal or two, so please sleep without worry.

“Zzz… shoo…zz”

Before long, Suika began to breathe softly in her sleep.

Some time passed, and evening arrived.

“Ugh… ah… ngh…”

Suddenly, Suika began tossing and turning in her sleep.

“Guh… ah, ahh…”

Cold sweat had formed on her forehead, and she struggled for breath as though she were suffocating.

“S-Suika-san! Suika-san!”

It was no use. No matter how much I shook her, she wouldn’t wake up.

If anything—

“Daa… dadadada? (What the heck is going on…?)”

A black, mist-like substance was clinging to her body. Every time it writhed, Suika twisted in agony. I felt like I’d seen something similar in the other world. A technique that drained its target’s life force and eventually killed them—

A curse.

I had no idea who is doing this to her. But that was less important right now.

I had to save Suika.

I took a deep breath. I focused my mind and activated the magical power flowing throughout my body. Compared to six months ago, my reserves had grown considerably.

If this was all there was to the curse…

I should be able to dispel it.

“《Saintly Art》・《Purifying Stream of Exorcism》(The sight of woman gasping in pained ecstasy as the blessing purges the evil—honestly, —I think that’s actually pretty erotic.)”

Oh, don’t mind my thoughts.

Space shimmered above Suika-san’s head, and rain began to fall from the distortion, accompanied by a brilliant radiance. Each droplet acted as a potent remedy against the curse. The black mist shrank rapidly before my eyes. It vanished completely in less than ten seconds.

Case closed.

I used the 《Purifying Stream of Exorcism》 out of habit, forgetting that we were indoors. The area—sofa included—was now soaking wet.

“Yoshito-sama…?”

Suika stirred and opened her eyes. Her rain-drenched blouse clung to her skin, revealing the faint outline of her underwear beneath. Today, it was blue lace.

That was the last thing I remembered before losing consciousness.

I had run out of magical energy.

That night, the Old Man came home—a rare occurrence. It seemed Suika-san had called him to report the incident with the curse. The two of them talked late into the night, while I—cradled against Suika’s bosom—pretended to be asleep while secretly straining to overhear their conversation.

According to their conversation:

* A year ago, Old Man and Suika had fought a particularly nasty curse user.

* They had driven him right to the brink of defeat, but the curse user managed to escape.

* He may have placed the curse on Suika as an act of revenge.

* Her riding around on the Roomba had absolutely nothing to do with it. It was just a coincidence.

But the real issue came next.

“Even as a mere infant, Yoshito-sama managed to dispel a curse of such high rank.”

Such a high rank? That thing?

Back in the other world, it would barely qualify as middle-of-the-road. Was there really that much of a gap in magical techniques between worlds?

“With the right upbringing, he might become an exorcist whose name goes down in history. Perhaps it would be best if he were raised in our village after all—”

“I’m sorry, but that won’t be happening.”

Old Man cut her off immediately.

“What happened to you today is a perfect example. Our line of work is nothing but killing and being killed, and getting dragged into one miserable mess after another. As his father, I can’t possibly send my child down that path.”

“But—”

“I won’t accept any arguments on this matter. Yoshito will be entrusted to our relatives soon. I originally intended to raise him here until he was two or three, but I don’t want him getting caught up in the baggage and grudges we’ve accumulated.”

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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“da, da-dadada!(—wha—WHAT?!)”

I couldn’t help shouting at Old Man’s bombshell.

The Ishirogi family was ending its career as exorcists with his generation?

And he intended to raise his own son—me—as an ordinary human?

Oh well… I guess I didn’t really care. It wasn’t like I wanted to become an exorcist or anything.

“I plan to eventually leave Yoshito in the care of some relatives. Of course, they’ll be a family with absolutely nothing to do with ghosts or youkai.”

So my name is apparently Yoshito. Whether it was a coincidence or not, it was the same as my name in my previous life.

Old Man continued.

“We’ll raise him here while he still needs constant care, but… probably until he’s two or three.”

“…Understood. It makes me sad, but I suppose it can’t be helped.”

Suika looked genuinely disappointed. The cat ears on her head drooped limply, and even her tail hung there without an ounce of energy.

“Come on. Cheer up.”

Old Man flashed his handsome smile and placed a hand on Suika’s dejected shoulder.

“Until Yoshito is old enough to be left with relatives, you’re his mother. I won’t be able to come home much because of work, so I’ll be counting on you to take care of him.”

“Naoki-sama…”

Suika looked up at him, her expression still downcast.

Her gaze trembled.

Ah! I’ve seen this before—in light novels and manga. The classic setup where the hero notices a depressed girl, comforts her, and accidentally raises a romance flag.

Damn you, Old Man!

My mother hasn’t even been dead for half a year, and you’re already trying to get cozy with another woman?!

“What’s wrong, Suika? Is there something on my face?”

Old Man was practically radiating the aura of a dense, oblivious harem protagonist. The kind of guy who’d cause an absolute disaster of a love triangle and then stand there afterward going, “How did things end up like this…?”

Suika, snap out of it! Don’t let yourself be fooled by a man like this!

“Da, da-daa, daaauu! (Feel the full weight of my virgin rage—!)”

I immediately grabbed the baby bottle lying beside me. I began gathering the magic power within my body.

Death to handsome men. No mercy.

I am going to deliver the righteous fist of justice straight into Old Man’s face.

I expanded the image in my mind—

“Dooo-dadaaa—(ROCKET PUNCH!)”

With all my strength, I hurled the baby bottle.

Technically speaking, it wasn’t a punch. But please, let’s not get hung up on the little details. Magic doesn’t need any complicated theories. All you need is the right mood and enough momentum to make it work.

“Guh—!”

“N-Naoki-sama?!”

Crap. My aim was off.

I’d been aiming for Old Man’s face, but the trajectory was lower than I’d expected, and the bottle slammed straight into his solar plexus.

Ah…Maybe I overdid it a little.

Sorry, Old Man.

“Ugh… Was that an enemy attack? Suika, keep watch… Check the surroundings…”

“Is this… a baby bottle?”

Suika turned toward me.

“Could it have been Yoshito-sama?”

“dah-bah-uu(Yes, I did—)!”

“Thank you. I nearly fell victim to that man’s poisonous charms myself.”

“Dadaudadadauda ubobobo sabidadabedaba(I simply did what any man would do for a lovely young lady like yourself.)”

“L-L-Lovely?! M-Me…?”

Huh? Something felt… off.

“Gaga- w-wait a sec—I’m… I’m talking! I can talk?!”

“Naoki-sama, this is incredible! Yoshito-sama is talking!”

“Huh? What did you say?”

Apparently, my old man was the hard-of-hearing protagonist type.

But putting that aside, what the hell was happening to my body?

I decided to analyze it a bit.

…Interesting.

Perhaps it was the effect of the magic. There was some residual magic clinging around my vocal cords. That might be what was causing it.

“It’s true! Yoshito-sama really did say something just now—”

“Hmm… Maybe you just misheard him.”

As I listened to the two of them going back and forth, I gradually began to feel sleepy.

I knew this feeling. I’m running out of magic power.

Suika… while I’m asleep, please don’t let Old Man fool you…

＊ ＊ ＊

I found out later that there had actually been five other candidates for the position of “mother.”

Apparently, though, every single one of them would start pressuring my old man to marry them whenever they got the chance. So he chose Suika, who lived at a comfortable distance from him.

…And yet, the fact that he was still unconsciously trying to win her over made me realize that my old man really was “an enemy of all womankind”.

“Yoshito-sama, I will never forget what you did for me that day. It may only be for a short while, but I shall devote myself wholeheartedly to taking care of you.”

“Daadaa…a-ba-ba-baba…baba(Make sure you find  decent man… a real man… for yourself too, Suika-san)”

“Do you want some milk?”

“Da! (No!) Dadada-dabababa! (That’s not what I mean at all!)”

And just like that, I had reverted to baby talk again.

I could probably speak proper Japanese if I concentrated my magic power around my vocal cords, but my reserves had been completely drained by that whole “Rocket Punch” incident the other day.

And since I am still so young, my natural recovery rate was pitifully low. If I talked too much, I might actually pass out.

“ da-uuu-dadada (You don’t have to worry about me) A-ba-ba-ba…dadaba. (You can rest too.)”

“Perhaps you’ve grown tired of powdered formula? But I can’t produce breast milk…”

Suika fell into deep thought.

This woman—well, cat?—was genuinely serious at heart.

The problem was that every now and then, her thoughts would suddenly fly off in a completely bizarre direction. She was really dangerously unpredictable in all sorts of ways.

“I-I’m not particularly well-endowed, but at the very least, perhaps I can make you feel as though you’re being fed…”

Suika began undoing the buttons of her blouse. Her skin was smooth, and her shoulders slender. As my gaze drifted downward from the hollow of her collarbone, I caught sight of the curves beneath her white bra.

Calling herself “not particularly well-endowed” was surely being far too modest.

Suika lowered her eyes shyly.

“There. Go ahead.”

She shifted the right side of her bra aside.

Revealed beneath it was a pale pink—

Gulp. Every instinct in me told me to latch on, but somehow that felt like crossing a very obvious ethical line.

Sure, physically speaking, I was a zero-year-old baby. But mentally, I most certainly wasn’t.

Ugh.

“Perhaps you still need some milk after all…”

Suika picked up the baby bottle.

But instead of bringing it toward my mouth, she brought it toward herself. A few drops of milky-white liquid fell from the tip.

“Mmn…”

A strangely intimate sigh escaped her lips.

This situation was getting more and more problematic by the second.

W-w-what am I supposed to do?!!

As for how things turned out after that, uh–. No comment.

I’ll just say this: I am a coward.

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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After waking up, I couldn’t move the way I wanted for quite some time.

“Da… daaa… da-da-da!”

I could barely form a single word, and my vision is still blurry.

Then again, I started this life as a baby. My body is still woefully underdeveloped, so I supposed that was to be expected.

“This baby doesn’t cry at all, does he?”

“Doctor said he’s fine, but… is it really for sure?”

I heard the voices of what sounded like a couple of nurses nearby.

“Mm… There’s just something not very baby-like about him…”

“Yeah. It’s almost like he’s an old man or something.”

“Oh, totally!”

Guh!

Stop it. Please, stop…

“You remind me of my grandpa” is basically the second-deadliest phrase known to virgin men, right after “You’re such a nice guy,” you know!

It was so unbearably sad that I burst into full-blown tears. Ironically, everyone around me seemed relieved.

Eventually, the day of my discharge arrived, and I am taken to my new home. It’s in a quiet residential neighborhood. A two-story house with its own garden. Pretty damn bourgeois, if you ask me.

Around this time, I found a little source of amusement.

“Dauu… au… paa…”

I couldn’t speak actual words yet, but that meant I could shout whatever I wanted without anyone catching on. So, I decided to go all out—gestures and all—shouting lines from anime and manga.

“Dauu(look!) Da-da-dauuuu(Humans are like trash!)”

“Babu-ba-babau(That’s not Merazoma…) Babubaba(It’s just, Mera).”

“Atatatatata! Ho-ata! Ho-ata!”

Incidentally, during that last line, I accidentally kicked the man who looked like my father right in the face.

Hey, I’m a baby. You can forgive me for that right now.

I’m sorry. Oh, I regret nothing—er, I mean, I’m reflecting on my actions.

“Well, our Yoshito sure is energetic.”

“He might be throwing a fit because he wants some milk.”

“Then why don’t you breastfeed him…? Owowowowo!? All right, I understand! Please stop punching me without saying a word! I’ll get it ready right away! I’m sorry!”

Beyond the baby crib, a man and a woman were engaged in what looked like a full-blown slapstick comedy routine. The man was the very picture of a kind, gentle young man. He’s pretty handsome, too.

Tch.

Guys who look like those harmless, herbivore-type pretty boys are always doing all sorts of things behind the scenes. I’m not falling for it! (Totally biased.)

At the tender age of zero, I had already resolved to commit patricide. From now on, I wouldn’t call him Dad or Father. I’m going to call him “Old Man”.

“Naoki-sama should be bringing your milk shortly. Please wait a little longer.”

As for the woman, she was wearing a black suit despite being inside the house.

Her age… early twenties, maybe?

Her expression was stiff, but there was no doubt about it—she’s beautiful. She had a cool, perfectly composed air about her, like someone who never let her guard down. There’s a certain invisible line between us, too. Somehow, she didn’t give off a very motherly vibe.

But whatever. That was hardly important.

There was something else that caught my attention.

The woman’s head.

Twitch, twitch.

Peeking out from between her glossy black hair were a pair of cat ears.

Cosplay? Wearing cat ears with a business suit is a little too niche, don’t you think?

However, she didn’t exactly strike me as an otaku, either.

All right. This was exactly the sort of situation where the [Appraisal] skill came in handy.

“Daaa dadoo(reveal)… da-dat-da-daa (thy true identity in full detail…) dau-dou(activate) Da-dada!  [Appraisal]!”

The truth is, I only need to focus my mind to activate a skill, but I still think incantations have a certain romantic appeal. It’s frustrating that the people who hype up instant casting just don’t get that.

A few seconds later, a pale, translucent panel—visible only to me—floated into view.

[Name] Suika [Gender] Female [Race] Nekomata [Age] 121 years old [Title] Unknown [Contractor] Naoki Ishirogi [Stats]  ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Level: 19 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Attack Power: 22 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Defense Power: 12 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Vitality: 12 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Magic Power: 20 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Mental Strength: 40 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Agility: 45 [Abilities] Unknown [Skills] Unknown [Magic] Unknown ※1 Sorry, turns out it’s actually hard to use [Appraisal] in another world! ※2 The translation team is working hard on it, so stay tuned! (by Alcapa)

Wait, are these stats actually measured in human power?

No divine power?

Either way, the more important part was the [Race] field.

Nekomata. I never expected to run into something this fantastical right from the very beginning. Though I suppose it was less “fantasy” and more like some kind of Japanese supernatural folklore.

Either way, those were real cat ears. They looked fluffy and soft, and as far as I was concerned, I wanted to touch them.

“Daa-daaa(Excuse me) Ouuuu-daaa-da(Just lemme moof moof your ears a little!) Daauu-daaa(Please let me moof them!)”

“If it’s milk you want, there’s no need to get so worked up. Naoki-sama is preparing it right now.”

Judging by the way she spoke, Suika is probably something like Old Man’s subordinate—or perhaps a familiar bound to him. There had been a [Contract] field in her status, after all.

Which naturally raised the question: Just what the hell was Old Man?

Conveniently, he had just returned nearby.

Perfect. I’ll use [Appraisal] on him as well.

[Name] Naoki Ishirogi [Gender] Male [Race] Human [Age] 29 years old [Occupation] Exorcist [Title] Head of the Ishirogi Family (4th Generation); Good-for-nothing [Stats]  ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Level: 25 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Attack Power: 15 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Defense Power: 12 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Vitality: 11 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Magic Power: 14 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Mental Strength: 8 ∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙ Agility: 10 [Abilities] Unknown [Skills] Unknown [Magic] Unknown

Good-for-Nothing? Seriously?

My old man had the face of a ridiculously handsome man and absolutely nothing else going for him. It was painful to watch.

“You’re late, Naoki-sama.”

“I hurried as much as I could you know….”

Naoki then turned to Suika.

“Suika, would you like to try feeding him some milk?”

“I am not particularly good with children. They tend to be frightened of me.”

“It’ll be fine. He’s my son, after all.”

What was with this inexplicable confidence my old man had in me? Honestly, I’m dying to betray it.

“Th-then…. if you’ll excuse me.”

Whoa. Suika is really nervous. And yet, she was forcing herself to smile. Unfortunately, that only made her look like a carnivore baring its fangs. Her hands were trembling like crazy, too.

Yeah. Any normal baby would be bawling their eyes out by now.

“H-here you go…”

A baby bottle was held out to me. I decided to take it without putting up a fuss.

Apparently, my mother had already passed away, so it was artificial formula for me every single day.

Gulp, gulp

Ah…Hmm. Not bad.

I’ll have another!

“Wow…”

Suika gazed at me as I drink, her expression growing all soft and dreamy. For someone who looked so stern and unapproachable, maybe she actually had a weakness for cute things.

“Yaa-yah! Daa-uuu!”

I decided to indulge her a little and flashed her a big smile.

Then, just for good measure, I grabbed one of Suika’s fingers.

And then—

“～～～～!”

Poof. Suika’s face suddenly turned bright red.

Heh heh. Looks like I just raised a flag.

Nah, no way. That was probably just the natural charm bonus that came with being a baby.

“N-Naoki-sama!”

Suika cried out, her voice cracking with excitement.

“I-I-I…! I’ll become this child’s mother! W-Would it be all right if I took him back to our village?!”

Huh?

Suika, aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself here?

All that from watching me eat? Seriously, you’re way too easy.

Wait, hold on. 

She’s a nekomata. And she has a village. Which means… a village full of cute cat-eared girls!

All right, I’m sold.

Heh heh heh. I’ll gather catnip and build myself a harem!

That’s what I was thinking when—

“I’m happy to hear how you feel, Suika, but I’m sorry. I can’t accept your offer.”

What the hell, Old Man?

Why are you turning her down?

“I intend to raise Yoshito as an ordinary human. The Ishirogi family’s days as exorcists will end with my generation, after all.”

Oii…. are you alright, Old Man?

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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When I came to, I was standing in a white, empty space.

“Nice to meet you, Hero Yoshito. My name is Alcapa, and I am one of the goddesses who governs this world.”

Standing before me was a silver-haired girl. She gave me a gentle, almost ethereal smile.

“Thank you for defeating the Evil God. On behalf of all the gods, I would like to express our deepest gratitude.”

“Ah, well… thank you very much.”

I gave her a polite little bow.

“I had a great time, too. It was quite a valuable experience. Thank you, thank you.”

Hmm…

Even I had to admit that sounded like something a grade-schooler would say. But then again, when you’re suddenly standing in front of a goddess, it’s not exactly easy to come up with something clever on the spot.

Or so I thought.

“…Pfft.”

For some reason, I had apparently hit exactly the right spot with Alcapa.

“Pfft—kukuku… W-Wait, hold on! A valuable experience!? Ahahahaha! You actually killed a god, and you’re just calling it a ‘valuable experience’!? Hiiii, my stomach hurts from laughing! Ahaha!”

“Are you all right?”

“T-this is bad. Seriously bad. Ahahahahahaha! You’re amazing! Yeah, you’re absolutely amazing!”

Whack, whack, whack!

She started smacking me on the shoulder at an alarming rate.

“Man, Yoshito, you’re such a funny guy! I think I really like you!”

Her way of speaking had changed quite a bit compared to when we’d first met.

I wondered if this was her real personality.

“Figures. You really did end your life with a joke! Cause of death: Forgotten an item. Pfft… kukuku… Ahahahahahaha!”

Alcapa burst out laughing again.

She was wearing this fluffy, heavenly-looking outfit, like something straight out of a painting of a celestial maiden, but it had gotten completely disheveled from all her laughing and moving around.

Her chest bounced with every movement, and even her thighs jiggled slightly.

So this really was heaven…

Well, I mean, it certainly looked like the afterlife, so I guess that was a given.

“Sorry, sorry. Maybe I just have a ridiculously low threshold for laughter.”

“I think it’s cute. I like that about you.”

“Oh… yeah…”

“Is something wrong?”

“N-no, nothing! Absolutely nothing. Anyway, you say things like that to everyone, don’t you?”

“Not at all. Somehow, I feel like I can talk to you easily, Alcapa-sama. Maybe we’re just on the same wavelength.”

“O-oh, I suppose I feel the same way…”

She suddenly looked a little flustered.

“…But more importantly, let’s get to the main point. The main point.”

Alcapa cleared her throat.

“I actually have some wonderful news for you, Yoshito. Since you were the one who saved the world, there’s something special I’d like to offer you.”

“Are you going to appoint me as your assistant, Alcapa-sama?”

If that was the case, I’d be pretty damn happy. We were already on the same wavelength, and on top of that, she was an incredibly beautiful girl. Well, she’s a goddess, after all.

If we’d both been human, I’d be at the level of bringing her a bouquet of flowers and asking her out. Hell, I might even have slipped a marriage registration form into the bouquet.

“Umm…”

For some reason, Alcapa looked embarrassed and averted her gaze.

“Actually… in this space, people’s inner thoughts can kind of… be heard.”

F-for real?

“They really can.”

So that meant she heard the whole thing about the flowers and the marriage registration form…

“F-F-Fortunately, anyway!”

Alcapa practically shouted over my thoughts.

“Yoshito! Since you defeated the Evil God, I’m going to give you another whole lifetime!”

“Ohhh!”

“And not just that! You’ll be reincarnated into modern-day Japan, with special bonuses! How about that?”

“Hell yeah!”

““Yaaay!””

We high-fived.

The crisp sound echoed through the white space.

“So, what kind of bonus are we talking about? Like… a coupon for 3,000 yen off a Super Famicom?”

“That’s a pretty old reference… was that from a Super Mario RPG commercial?”

“You know that one?”

“Of course! Goddesses are incredibly smart, you know. Heehee.”

Alcapa puffed out her chest proudly. She’s ridiculously cute.

When I’m reborn, I’m definitely going to worship this goddess…

“Ahaha, thanks. Can I get back to what I was saying?”

“By all means.”

“You’re going to be fighting things that are kind of like monsters in the other world, too, so I figured your bonus should be something suited to that sort of life.”

“…Huh?”

“Sorry, but I just heard something extremely ominous. That was just my imagination, right?”

“Nope. You heard me correctly.”

“Oh, thank goodness. It was just a misunderstanding. Obviously there aren’t any monsters in modern Japan—”

“…Huh?”

“Maybe it’d be easier if I called them yokai or ghosts? Those sorts of things really do exist, you know.”

“Hey, hey.”

“Wait a second.”

That’s not the modern Japan I knew. Santa is just one’s parents. Ghosts were nothing more than the wind rustling through dead grass. Magic and paranormal phenomena were supposed to be superstitions!

“They keep all of that hidden from ordinary people, but the world over there is actually pretty fantastical, you know?”

“And you’re going to be reincarnated into a family that’s been fighting evil spirits and all sorts of other nasty things. So, good luck!”

“No, no, no, no!”

I already worked more than hard enough in my first life.

Couldn’t I just take it easy in my next one?

“You said it yourself, didn’t you? That defeating the Evil God was a valuable experience.”

“Well, yes…”

“Then wouldn’t it be nice to live somewhere where you can put that experience to good use?”

“Um… in that case, couldn’t I put it to use in something like sports instead?”

“I kind of like watching you fight, though.”

Uuh. Damn it. She’s giving me those puppy-dog eyes.

“It makes my heart go “thump-thump” whenever I watch you.”

“What is this feeling, I wonder…?”

What an outrageously obvious seduction tactic. There’s no way a battle-hardened Hero like me, a man who had survived countless life-or-death situations, is going to fall for such an obvious trap—

“All right! I’ll do my best! Please etch my heroic exploits into your heart, Goddess!”

…Yeah.

I fell for it.

＊＊＊

 A heroine who’s ridiculously easy to win over is called a *choroin*—short for *choroi heroine*.

So what would you call a hero who’s just as easy? Chorō?

Sounds like the name of some important village elder.

An elder…

Anyway, I am going to be reincarnated back into modern-day Japan. I’d be starting over as a baby, so my physical abilities would be reset accordingly. Apparently, though, I’d still be able to use the magic I’d learned in the other world, and at least some of my skills would carry over.

“Will I be able to use Appraisal?”

“You can, but there’s no such thing as levels or stats over there.”

“So I’ll have to force things into a format that doesn’t really exist in that world. Anything else you want?”

From now on, I was going to be living in modern-day Japan.

Hmm…

There were sayings like “Even the affairs of Hell depend on money” and “Money is more valuable than life…!”

In that case…

“How about… improving my luck with money?”

“Sure! I can’t promise you’ll win the jackpot in the lottery every single time, but I’ll make sure you win a decent amount.”

I’d thought this before, but this goddess really did know a surprising amount about Japan. Could she have secretly sneak down there every now and then for a little vacation?

“Well then, I guess it’s about time we got you on your way.”

A magic-circle-like pattern appeared beneath my feet, and my consciousness gradually began to fade.

“Ah.”

What is it, Alcapa?

That “Oh crap, I forgot something!”look on your face is making me seriously nervous.

“I forgot to… tell you… a little while ago… another person was reincarnated… and they’re totally obsessed with you…”

But unfortunately, her voice was becoming harder and harder to hear.

“Just before—―――――also reincarnated…………, totally――………… you――――… obse――――”

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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I’m a Hero, but I might die because I forgot something.

I managed to defeat the Evil God—the mastermind behind everything—but now I can’t escape the collapsing final dungeon.

“What’s wrong, Yoshito-sama?! We need to get back to the surface, quickly!”

“Damn it, it’s collapsing everywhere! If we stand around doing nothing, we’re not gonna make it!”

“Hero! Surely you do not intend to remain here!?”

Every one of my companions had a 「Return Orb」. It was a convenient little item that could teleport its user straight to the surface. The catch was that each gem could only transport one person.

Strange….

Mine wasn’t in my bag.

No way… did I leave it at the inn?

I’d checked for anything I might have forgotten before we set out, but maybe I’d somehow forgotten to put the gem back in my bag.

Hahaha… I really screwed up.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

“Yoshito-sama!”

“Yoshito!”

“Heroooo!”

“Shut up! Stop rushing me, damn it!”

With cold sweat trickling down my back, I desperately racked my brain for a solution.

1. Make a mad dash for the entrance.    —No matter how I looked at it, the dungeon was collapsing faster than I could run.

2. Have someone give me their Return Orb.   —Sacrificing one of my companions just because I wanted to save my own skin? That would make me a terrible human being.

3. Pray to the gods for a miracle.   —The world isn’t kind enough for things to be solved that easily.

Yeah…

I’m screwed.

Even if I consulted everyone, there probably wasn’t another solution. And besides, we didn’t have that kind of time left. This whole mess had happened because of my own stupidity in the first place. I should be the one to take responsibility.

I am going to die here.

Time to accept it.

Three years had passed since I had been summoned to this other world, and somewhere along the way, my outlook on life and death had become surprisingly dry.

Still…

“Hero died because he forgot something” would be an unbelievably pathetic story to have passed down to future generations.

And my companions would probably feel pretty damn awkward about it, too. We had finally defeated the Evil God. The least I could do was let them return to the surface in triumph, without having to worry about me.

So, with that in mind, I decided to tell them a little lie.

“You guys go on ahead. There’s still something I have to take care of.”

“Something you have to take care of…?”

“There’s no guarantee the Evil God won’t resurrect. …I’ll use my life to make sure he stays sealed.”

“Wait, Yoshito. When you say you’re going to use your life, you mean…”

“Yeah. This is as far as I go. Everyone, I’m counting on you to take care of the world after I’m gone!”

“H-Heroooo!”

“Oh, and the Return Orb is still sitting at the inn. I left it there on purpose, okay! Don’t get the wrong idea!”

Farewell!

I turned and sprinted back toward the deepest part of the dungeon.

No one came after me.

Mission accomplished.

Apparently, my plan—Convince everyone to believe some generic RPG prologue nonsense: “The Hero sealed the Evil God at the cost of his own life”—had worked perfectly.

Heh. I’m starting to scare myself with how good my acting is.

That said, actually dying is even scarier. I’m about to cry.

God, please help me.

As a reward for saving the world, couldn’t you give me a miracle or two?

You know, maybe put them on clearance?

“Ugh… Yeah, right.”

If God were going to swoop in and fix everything for me, there wouldn’t have been any need for a Hero in the first place.

＊＊＊

I returned once again to the lowest level of the dungeon. At the far end stood an altar, and beside it lay the body of a young girl.

Mia Gransfield. The Demon Lord’s daughter.

She had been offered as a sacrifice to the Evil God, who had taken control of her body. If things had gone the way I wanted, I would have saved her. But to save the world, I had no choice but to destroy the Evil God along with her.

“He-… Hero…?”

Wait.

Huh?

S-she’s alive!!?

Could this be the beginning of the *true* final battle!?

The answer was—

No.

I couldn’t sense the Evil God’s presence at all, and Mia seemed to have returned to her senses. Still, I couldn’t imagine what must have been going through her mind.

The Evil God had taken control of her consciousness, and when she finally came to, she was on the verge of death. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t have been strange for her to completely panic.

And yet…

“Ahaha… What a mess.”

Mia merely gave a gentle, troubled smile.

“I pretended to be dead because I wanted you to escape without worrying about me.”

By the time I defeated the Evil God, the dungeon was already on the verge of collapse. We didn’t have even a moment to spare.

If I had known Mia was still alive… what would I have done?

There was only one answer. I would have done whatever it took to save her. She was nothing more than a victim who had been manipulated by the Evil God. It was wrong for her to die here.

I might even have given her my Return Orb.

Well… In reality, I’d left the damn thing at the inn.

“I… I’m done for. So don’t worry about me…”

“Cough, cough!”

Mia doubled over, coughing violently.

A thin line of blood trickled from the corner of her mouth.

“See? You should go now. Okay?”

“…I can’t.”

“Are you feeling sorry for me? You shouldn’t. It’s just a moment of weakness. Come on, hurry and get back to the surface—”

“I forgot my Return Orb. I think I left it at the inn where we stayed last night.”

I told her the truth. There was no chance either of us was getting out of here alive, so there was no point keeping anything from her.

“I see.”

Mia slowly nodded.

“You really are terrible at lying, Hero. But… okay. I’ll believe you.”

Hmm?

Wait a second.

I had a feeling a rather strange misunderstanding was taking shape here.

“You’re going to stay by my side until the very end so I won’t feel lonely, aren’t you?”

“…Thank you. You really are kind, Hero.”

Mia smiled. It was a fragile smile, like the flickering flame of a candle just moments away from going out.

“Or… are you really going to die with me?”

“…Just kidding. I’m kidding. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s getting cold, though. I want you to hold my hand.”

“Actually… I’ve liked you for a long time, Hero—”

I don’t remember what came after that.

Most likely, the two of us were crushed together beneath the rubble that came crashing down from the ceiling.

This is translated by Yume Neiji. Kindly read at yumeneijiworks.com

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